I’ve recently been thinking about this “club” I was part of in highschool. The name: My Life Is In Shambles Club. I don’t remember really how it started, how such a diverse group of us got together to be completely open with each other, but we did.
About 8 of us met at Moxies once a month-ish (at the table in the glass room), and every member had to vow to tell nothing but the truth, give completely honesty, and not let anything leave the Moxies table . We all signed a treaty of confidence, vowing to secrecy. We were all from the same highschool, but not many of us had really hung out together before. But we all had something in common; teenage drama.
The gather consisted of spilling stories about our lives and troubles, one at a time. Our Parents, cancer, fights. We would listen, but then we would have question asking time, where anyone could ask any question of anyone else and they must tell the truth. It was really like an older version of truth without the dare. First kiss, crushes, the ‘dirt’. There was a desire to get all the stories and gossip straight, but there was also to just get to know each other. Of course, everyone puts on a reluctant act, but behind every facade was a story that wanted to be told, a person who wanted to just be asked, forced to tell, so they could be the interesting one for a little bit. It was almost equally about the helping and encouraging of one another, as it was about the gossip, which is saying a lot for teenagers living in highschool drama, but both showed that ever-present need for being noticed and affecting others.
Most of these friends I have lost this kind of bond with. Which makes me sad, but I also wonder about what how our underlying desires translate into adulthood. Truth or dare, clubs and groups, do we ever really grow out of that?Maybe we just learn to hide our motives better with formal, educated vocabulary. We always want to know and be known.. so how does that evolve throughout our lives?
I suppose, personally, I’ve never really been good with opening up. But living away from home and seeing the larger picture of life has made me realize some things: if you invest in people, you will be invested in. And now that I am out of the highschool bubble I’ve had more real vibrant relationships than ever. I think now that I’ve learned who I am a little better, in relation to a bigger picture of what life is about, I’ve gained a confidence that is part of discovering who I am as a grown-up. With confidence, I’ve become more honest and real with people. Good friendships can take time, or you can dive in create and something worth-while now. Share your story, ask about people’s shambles. You don’t need to have a great big dramatic story to be interesting to people. I guess that’s been the biggest difference for me, I’ve semi-grown out of this fear of other people not caring about me, or judging me, and realized that this is how people care for each other, they share. Investing in people is what brings you the most joy.
My question remains, how does this need to know about people and be known evolve throughout life.. but maybe this is just something to be experienced individually, every ‘grown-up’ for themselves. I wonder if those 8 people would go to a reunion MLISC meeting…